Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Questioning and Confirmation

Questioning - Even though I know we are where God wants us, I have to admit that at times when talking to God I ask him why he has moved us here, especially when I was finally feeling settled in California. I mean it took me two years to finally feel at home there and to have friends (it takes me awhile to form close friendships). I truly liked where we lived, only wished my family was there too. I always assumed God would take us back to Texas to be closer to family if He moved us again. As you know, one of the things I've really struggled with is finding a midwife and doctor here.

Confirmation - I received a letter in the mail last Thursday. It was from my midwife in California. I was shocked to learn that the hospital I delivered Levi at discontinued maternity services as of May of this year. To make a long story short, my midwife has taken a job in Arizona and will see patients on a limited basis who want to remain with her at a birth center near where we lived in California. If we had stayed in California, I would have been left to either find a doctor that delivered in a hospital setting different from the previous hospital in order for me to have the pain medication I have grown accustomed to during deliveries or I would have been having a natural childbirth at the birthing center and probably not with my midwife as she would be out of state 4 days out of the week. As sad as I am to learn this, it really has helped me. I can no longer say, "If only. . ." Isn't it amazing how even though I should trust God and not question his decisions for my life, that he's willing to give me such a clear answer/reason to help me feel at peace with where we are today?

**Please refrain from comments that mention I look like I could have this baby at any time or that my children and I all need haircuts. I know these things are true, I just don't want to hear them. My plan is to take care of these two things in the next few weeks. Before and after pictures will be taken of both events.


RyAnn said...

Yall look beautiful- cute dress. **Side note: You should look like you could have the baby anytime since you are due in 3 weeks! You look great!

Mandy said...

Yeah, I totally can relate to the "questioning." I was feeling pretty settled in California myself...and then plans change and God moves us. I'm so glad you got some confirmation though, so you can feel some peace about it. And I think you and your boys look beautiful. Are you allowed to say boys look beautiful? :)

The Blake Family said...

I love it when God gives that sense of peace. I feel for you...as I know how it is to move and have to "start all over" with friends and such. It is difficult. I wish you the best of luck with your little Silas being born. God will take care of all that too, as you already know. And, you look beautiful!!

Colorado Dreamin' said...

Keeping up with things on Kerry's facebook. Praying for you!!